I’ve made no secret of my distaste for Vikings fans and their eating habits over the years, but as I prepare mentally for what I think we all hope will, mercifully, be the final match-up between Favre and his former team, I realize that it’s not just Vikings fans that get under my skin – it’s really all Minnesotans. They’re just so… different from Wisconsinites.
Now, I need to disclose that I’m actually one-quarter Minnesotan – my grandparents on my mom’s side are from Long Prairie, MN. So I’m not being prejudiced when I say that Minnesotans are, by and large, conceited back-stabbers. Really, I’m just speaking from experience. I mean, after all, who hasn’t had a Minnesotan talk down to them? Once, I was in the Minneapolis airport and a woman at a fast-food restaurant told me to “have a nice day.” I know what she was really saying – “F*#k off, cheesehead!”
What is it with Minnesotans? They’re always like that. They act all friendly with their smiles and their enthusiastic “oh, yahs!” But underneath they’d just as soon kick you in the balls as look at you. They’re so devious, with their ostentatious Volvo station wagons and their holier-than-thou Lutheranism. I don’t want to sound Norsist or anything, but everyone knows that you can’t trust Scandinavians – particularly ones who wear fake blond ponytails.
|Ready to tailgate like it's 1999?|
|We see your subliminal Viking horn, Prince!|
|Jesse "the Governor" Ventura|