There were three advertising campaigns during the 2010 NFL season that deserve special recognition for their idiocy, annoyance, and ubiquity. In spite of my fast-forwarding, these campaigns were virtually inescapable. Here are my top picks for the worst NFL ad campaigns of 2010:
1) Tie between Viagara and Cialis – It’s always a reach-for-the-remote moment when these ads come on, so as to avoid questions from my young children like, “Daddy, what’s an erection?” Viagra and Cialis ads are so pervasive that you’d think every man in America suffers from ED. It’s always the side-effect warnings that crack me up. If anyone needs to be told to seek immediate medical help for “an erection lasting more than 4 hours” or a “sudden dramatic loss of hearing or vision” then maybe he ought to think twice before procreating in the first place. I picture a guy, blind and deaf due to self-medication with blue hands and feet due to low circulation, declaring, “Don't call 9-1-1 yet, honey, I’ve only had an erection for 3 hours.” If I had an erection lasting more than 4 hours I think I’d need a blood transfusion. And a cigarette. Let’s keep ads for male performance drugs where they’re supposed to be – clogging up your inbox with spam – not on the Super Bowl.
2) Miller Lite Vortex Bottle – You’ve all seen this commercial where the guy orders a light beer and the waitress condescendingly asks “Don’t you want a Miller Lite Vortex Bottle?” When the guy protests asking what the big deal is about the Vortex bottle, she replies “It has grooves…” with a “you dumb ass” look on her face. Maybe I’m too old, but what the hell are they talking about? What… am I supposed to screw this thing to a garden hose and make a beer bong? Word of warning to prospective buyers wooed by the pitch “the Vortex grooves let that great pilsner taste flow right out,” if you’re buying your beer on the basis of the velocity with which it flows from the bottle to your mouth, you may want to get a second opinion on your drinking habits. Why didn’t they just include a pull-tab on the bottom so you can shotgun it properly? They should just call this what it is: the “Miller Lite Shitface Bottle” and add the 800 number for AA next to their “Please Drink Responsibly” footnote.
|Thank God I have this cold-activated can!|
Hopefully, Madison Avenue has something more creative up their sleeve for the Super Bowl, because if any of these ads run for the 300th time on Sunday I may hurl my remote control into the TV. And I don’t want to miss the game.