Sunday, January 30, 2011

Pro Bowl Moves to Two-Hand Touch Format

In a bold acknowledgement of the irrelevance of the Pro Bowl, NFL EVP of Football Operations Ray Anderson announced today that the league will be trying out a new two-hand touch format in tonight’s game from Hawaii.

“We discussed many options, including a flag football format as well as just switching the game to ultimate Frisbee,” stated Anderson from a luau.  “But the league officials felt like two-hand touch was the most authentic to the spirit of the game.”

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell praised the move.  “Everyone knows this game is a boondoggle and completely irrelevant,” said Goodell who was sporting a technicolor Hawaiian print shirt for the day’s festivities.  “Despite tinkering with the schedule and inserting the game before the Super Bowl when a large number of deserving players from the respective Super Bowl teams can’t even play, we still can’t get people to care.  So we think moving to two-hand touch would spice it up for our fans.”

Matt Ryan shows off his new Pro Bowl helmet.
With the change in format, the players are also being given new flexibility in their uniforms as well.  Michael Vick, the NFC’s starting quarterback, will reportedly be sporting a golf visor and Bermuda shorts.  While Atlanta’s Matt Ryan, another NFC quarterback selected ahead of the Packers’ Aaron Rodgers, said he would probably opt for one of those large Panama Jack hats.

Goodell suggested the league might try another first next year: combining the NFL Pro Bowl with the LFL’s Lingerie Bowl.  “That’s a high-class operation they’ve got going in the LFL,” said Goodell.  “Just like when the NFL started playing the AFL to create the Super Bowl, I could see an NFL/LFL championship having a similar lasting impact on advancing the competitiveness and fan appeal our sport.”

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